Transition myths
and stereotypes
by Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D.
Note:This article was written while I lived in
Silver City, New Mexico. Now I live in Seattle, Washington.
Research shows that
stressed-out people tend to revert to stereotypes and short-cuts for
decisions. And most people in transition are ... well, stressed to the
max. Here are some stereotypes and myths I've heard from ciients
and others over the years.
Relocation
Stereotypes
"Big cities are
unfriendly."
Any place will feel
hostile to newcomers. I've
lived in several of the largest cities in North America and found
helpful, caring people everywhere. Often businesses are more helpful
simply because there's more competition.
"The desert is all sand
and cactus."
In the high desert of
New Mexico, where I live, we
have green trees, flowering plants, and snow in the wintertime. We have
abundant fruit trees and sometimes we have to rake leaves in fall.
"Small towns are
conservative, you have to join
a church and country club, and you must be married."
Probably some are.
Silver City has less than twenty thousand people,
yet I know lots of very happy residents who forego churches and country
clubs in favor of coffee shops and art galleries. We have many single
people and a sizeable gay population.
Generalizations?
Well, nearly
everyone has a dog or cat and you'll find numerous multi-pet households.
Career
Stereotypes
"Insurance sales reps
must be gregarious."
Hal, a successful
insurance agent for many years,
has developed a portfolio of loyal, happy clients. Hal can be described
as an introvert. He rarely speaks unless spoken to, and then he speaks
briefly and softly. His clients have learned that he's a caring,
dedicated agent who never misses a detail.
"Accountants sit
quietly and crunch numbers."
These days,
accountants, especially those in the
large firms, have to become experts at client relations. Often they're
expected to steer business towards the firm's consulting division.
"Want to travel? Be a
travel agent!"
Once upon a time,
when nobody worried about
security and airlines gave us more than an inch of legroom, I loved to
travel. When I sought ways to combine my love of travel with a career,
I would often hear, "So become a travel agent."
Surprise!
Travel agents rarely
travel. After all, someone has to stay in the office and answer calls
from clients. A major perk involves the "fam" or familiarization trips,
when agents are invited as a group to preview a new resort or discover
a new locale. There's rarely time for leisurely sight-seeing.
These days, a
corporate travel agent is more
like a traffic cop than a friendly guide, charged with enforcing
regulations of the company who pays her commission: "The non-stop
flight is two hundred dollars more than the connecting flight with the
two-hour stopover. Looks like you've got two hours in Cleveland."
After dealing with hundreds of less-than-thrilled employees, one agent
told me he was quitting the industry, probably for the more serene life
of a bill collector.
How
can you avoid stereotypes?
Traditional career
tests often are based on
outdated or stereotyped visions of careers. Stereotypes of
locations tend to be perpetuated by folks who have never visited, let
alone lived there.
I encourage anyone
contemplating a life change to
follow the Rule of Six. Talk to at least six people who have
real, hands-on experience on the path you want to follow. If they clam
up and say they're too busy to talk, you've learned a great deal
already.
Most people will
begin with a happy, party-line
spiel. Dig deeper till you start uncovering negatives and warnings.
On the rare occasions
you hear a lot of negatives,
keep going until you discover a positive.
Harry almost gave up
on his goal when four people
talked about problems getting clients for a unique consulting business.
After we talked, he realized they had all used the same time of
marketing -- and they weren't very good at it. He broadened his search
to gain a new perspective.
The Bottom Line
I'm always amazed at how many "experts" base recommendations on
stereotyped versions of careers and places to live. That's why you may
be advised to become a funeral director or a florist when you really
belong in outside sales.
There's no substitute
for gathering your own
information from people who have been there and back. If something
sounds too good -- or too bad -- to be true, it probably is.
To set up a call to discuss your stereotypes,